A lot can change in 15 years

My nephew turns 15 on Sunday. FIFTEEN!!

I was 15, myself, when he was born. My sister allowed my Mom and I to be in the room with her before delivering. At the time I had no idea how momentous that actually was. I remember watching her contraction monitor and commenting when it would spike during a contraction. Sorry sis, I had no idea at the time how clueless I was.

I remember when we were finally allowed back into the room to see her and meet my newborn nephew. He was tiny! Despite loving kids and having babysat for several years prior, I was terrified. I couldn't hold him. I was afraid I'd fail at being a good Aunt and have no idea how to hold this hours-old baby. I had never held someone so small. I felt so unprepared and yet in complete awe of this tiny little guy. He was mine, my nephew, someone I would have influence over yet I was a teenager myself.

Thinking back I was so excited to be an Aunt but no where near ready to be a Mom (as well I shouldn't have been at 15!). Now here I sit 15 years later and I want nothing more. I wish I had pushed all those scared, child-like thoughts out of my head and held that tiny little miracle in my arms just hours after he was born. I certainly missed out on a magical moment.

My nephew means so much to me and while my sister has often said I'm a second Mom to her kids I really do feel that way. When they hurt, I hurt. When they're sad, I'm sad. When they're happy, I'm happy. I'm proud of their successes and sometimes disappointed in their failures.

I'd like to think being so close to my nephew and nieces has prepared me for being a Mom to my own children some day. I just hope that some day comes sooner rather than later.....