Tuesday, April 29, 2008


Once I graduated from Dr. H's office last week, I called my OB's office to set up my prenatal visits. The following conversation ensued....

"Hi, I need to schedule prenatal visits with Dr. S."

"Looking at your chart, it appears you haven't established pregnancy with the office."

"I've been under the care of my RE, Dr. H. I'm approximately 8 weeks along. I have all lab work and ultrasounds."

"Okay, we need you to come in and see the Nurse Practitioner so we can confirm your pregnancy. Do you have an estimated due date?"

Ummm??? I need to pee in a cup just in case Dr. H had the ultrasound wand shoved in someone else's crotch!? I now get to go "establish my pregnancy" with my OB's office on Thursday with NP Susan. Protocol or unnecessary frivolousness??

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I Graduated Today....

from the RE that is!

We had our follow-up ultrasound for a growth check today. Everything is absolutely perfect so far. Our little one is healthy and growing!

It was obvious, at first glance, that the baby had grown. The yolk sac was quite visible today, too. The baby grew from 4mm on the 14th to 12mm today. So, the baby's measuring accordingly at 7w3d and is actually a day ahead if you figure growth from last Monday's ultrasound. It's heart was hammering away at 175 bpm.

I have the pleasure of continuing the progesterone cream until I reach 13 weeks. I'll also continue on Metformin throughout the pregnancy and have been given a prescription for Zofran to help with the nausea. It's not so much that I'm vomiting but rather I'm so nauseous I just don't want food.

I'm sad to leave Dr. H's care. He's such a good, caring Dr. and has been so supportive throughout this entire journey. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled we're moving on but once you have such outstanding care it's hard to deal with anything less than perfect.

Below, are three of the ultrasound pictures from today's scan. You can actually see more of a blob rather than just a couple of lines!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Ultrasound Pictures

These pictures were from my ultrasound on Monday, 4/14 at Dr. H's office. Granted there isn't a lot to see at this point but there they are.

Friday, April 18, 2008

An update

So I'm technically 7 weeks today. If the baby is growing as it should be, it should be measuring 6w3d today from its size at Monday's ultrasound.

I'm nauseated and tired, both of which are positive signs. The spotting has continued off and on. I'm finding if I'm up and around a lot, and especially two days in a row, that I'll start spotting or bleeding again.

Dr. H is suspecting, from comparing Friday's ER ultrasound scans to Monday's scan, I may have had something called a subchorionic hemorrhage. It's basically a clot in the uterus, near the placenta. There was apparently a small spot on Friday's scan that didn't appear on Monday's scan. Current speculation is the clot was dislodged due to the growing placenta which would explain Friday's bleeding and passed clot. The best cure for these types of clots is little activity and staying off my feet as much as possible.

There are days I can feel myself going stir crazy. I want to clean, I want to work on the yard, I want to go for long walks...none of which I can do right now.

Y is getting the raw end of the deal. We no longer have meals together as I'm often too nauseated to eat or I'm craving something really specific. He's also had to pick up the slack with dog duty and general house chores. He was never one of these husbands that sat on his hind end while the wife did all the work. We've always had pretty equal share in duties. I feel bad that I'm now the one sitting on my rump while he does whatever it is that needs to be done.

So that's the news from here. We're hanging in there and counting down the days to Thursday's ultrasound!

Monday, April 14, 2008

This baby is just asking for a time out!

Today has been a roller coaster.

I returned to my RE today for a follow-up appointment. And what a miraculous appointment it was!

I went in expecting the worst and Dr. H just told me "With the early pregnancy scans it's sometimes difficult to see things. Let's look today and if we see what we need to, great. If not, we'll discuss what needs to happen."

He does the vaginal ultrasound and all we see is the gestational sac. He looks around for the baby and doesn't see anything. He starts discussing how this might be a blighted ovum and he had a patient a couple of years ago who returned in a week after the initial ultrasound and had a normal, healthy embryo. So he keeps looking and ends up finding the fetal pole but no heartbeat. He then begins discussing what may need to be done if the sac is still there in a week. As he's doing so he moved the wand just so and about drops it. THERE WAS A HEARTBEAT!!!!

We're not out of the woods, in fact far from it, but there's hope. From my LMP (last period) I should be at 6w4d. The gestational sac was measuring 17mm at 6w1d and the fetal pole (the baby) was 5w6d. So it's behind where it should be but it's little heart was beating at 131bpm. It was the most beautiful little flicker I've ever seen!

The hospital called this morning with more test results and found I have a UTI. I'm on antibiotics for that. Dr. H is putting me on progesterone cream in hopes to help the baby stay put and grow. He said there's no data that it actually helps but it doesn't hurt either. I have to go for a thyroid study (more blood work) this week to be sure there isn't something weird going on that needs to be treated. I go in next Thursday for another ultrasound to check progress. If the baby is growing accordingly, great. If it's not we need to discuss what's next - whether it be keep checking or end it if there's no heartbeat.

So we have a ways to go and I am relieved and terrified at the same time. If I get any cramping or bleeding it's likely over but for now there's hope. I'm hanging on tighter than ever to that hope.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

A Pregnancy Lost

Friday, April 11th, is a day I'll never forget.

Y and I were headed out of town for the weekend. We were going to go for a weekend to relax, catch a ballgame, see some friends, and just not be at home. I'd been finishing up some cleaning and had just packed our bag when I decided to shower before we left. I had to go to the bathroom before I jumped in the shower and when I did, I found I was bleeding. Not spotting but actual bright red blood, similar to that of the first day of my period.

I immediately called my RE's office and they transferred me to one of the medical assistants. I told her everything that was going on and she said unfortunately, Dr. H was in surgery for the day so I couldn't come in for an ultrasound. She asked if I was having any cramping and, at the time, I wasn't. She tried to soothe my fears saying some bleeding was normal but she was going to schedule me for an ultrasound on Sunday. I would be squeezed in but she wanted to be sure all was okay. She said if I continued bleeding or began cramping to head to the Emergency Room and page Dr. H. I hung up and lost it. I just sobbed fearing this was it.

Around 3pm I began having mild cramps and when I went to the bathroom I had a smallish dark-red clot. I called my RE's office a second time to update them and let them know I was going to the hospital. Of course, 3:30pm on a Friday afternoon is not a good traffic time. We ended up at the hospital an hour later.

I was initially triaged and registered then sent back out to the lobby to wait. A good hour to hour and a half passed before they called me back. I was given an IV spigot through which they took 6 vials of blood. Since I had a spigot in my arm I was now privileged to sit in the triage waiting room where it was about 11 degrees. Mind you it's now about 6pm or later and I hadn't had anything to eat since 10am that morning.

Finally, close to 8pm I was called back to an exam room. A nurse came in and took a brief synopsis of my symptoms. Shortly thereafter the ER Dr. on duty came back. How long had I been bleeding? How heavy? Was it a sudden onset? Etc. I also had to have more blood drawn so they could type my blood. After a short wait the nurse and Dr. returned to perform a pelvic exam. The Dr. told me there was a lot of blood but she was encourage because it was old blood. After the exam was over she said I needed a liter of fluids because I was a bit dehydrated. Sitting in a waiting room for 3+ hours with little water will do that to you. I was hooked up to the IV and told someone would be in to take me for an ultrasound soon.

Around 9:30pm someone finally arrived to take me to radiology. I had to wait in the hallway until the tech was ready for me, Y with me the whole time. Near 10pm the tech wheeled me into the room, Y was sent out to the waiting room. I got the speech of "I'm not allowed to tell you anything. If I see something bad or I see something perfect I can't say anything. I'm not even allowed to let you see the screen." I understood completely why this was but it hurt to think if there was something wrong that I wasn't even allowed to see my baby. The tech performed the regular ultrasound then asked me to empty my bladder for the vaginal ultrasound. Once I was done I was wheeled back out into the hallway then eventually taken back to the exam room.

I laid there for another hour until around 11pm the Dr. came in with the results. I just knew it wasn't good news when she hesitated. The following words will be words I will never forget, "There were no fetal heart tones. You are in fetal demise. There's nothing we can do and the baby will pass naturally in a few days."

My heart shattered when I heard there was no heartbeat. 19 months of hell to conceive and at 6 weeks exactly we lose our first hope that things were looking up for us.

She continued to provide instructions but all I could think of was our baby was gone and I never even got to see him. I now wait. Wait for the clot to pass. I have issues with those instructions. While scientifically, what I will pass is a clot, it's my baby. A part of my heart and soul. My child is not a clot. I'll have to endure more blood tests to assure the hCG levels are returning to normal, have an ultrasound to assure everything has passed, and take a possible round of RhoGAM since I have a negative Rh blood factor.

Then come the questions. Why did this happen? When will we try again? Am I ready to try again? Will I ever heal from this?

While I've lost a parent, this pain is so much stronger it scares me. I'm not sure what to do with it. Currently, I'm hoping that everyone was wrong. Hoping that it was just too early to see a heartbeat. Logically, I know that's not really possible but it's getting me through the days for now.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

The Dreaded Words....

We lost the baby.

I'll update everyone soon. I just don't have the energy to post about it today.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

My first real freak out

Today was the first day reality smacked me right upside the head.

I was going about my day, happily fatigued, when I had to make the requisite afternoon potty break. Everything seemed fine only soon I discovered I was spotting.

At first, I thought to myself "No big deal. Spotting is normal during the first trimester." And then the reality hit me. The spotting may be nothing, absolutely normal, or it could be a completely scary situation. Let the freak out begin.

As long as the spotting doesn't get darker, I don't pass clots, and I don't have any severe cramping I'll wait until Monday to see the little munchkin at our first ultrasound. So far I haven't had anymore spotting but it doesn't prevent me from holding my breath each time I have to use the bathroom.

I have to give the kidlet credit. He's apparently decided Momma doesn't need the worry and stress so he's so kindly given me extreme nausea. I thought that was very thoughtful, no?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

5 Weeks and 4 days

The fatigue is very strong this week. I wake up in the mornings, tired, and ready for a nap within 2 hours. I can't complain though, I just hope I'm able to continue with my job without getting too far behind on my deadlines with all the naps I'm taking!

Here's what's happening with Baby J this week:

Deep in my uterus my embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point, he's about the size of a sesame seed, and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human. He's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, the mesoderm, and the endoderm — which will later form all of his organs and tissues.

The neural tube — from which the baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — is starting to develop in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel.

His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.) The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue.

The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.

Source: BabyCenter

Monday, April 7, 2008

Our first baby gift.

When I got the mail today there was a small package from my sister. She had mentioned something was on its way but I didn't think much of it.

Inside was our first gift. A 3-pack of gender neutral receiving blankets.

I like getting mail like that!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

"Morning" sickness? What's that?

It's been a while since I've updated. This week has brought fatigue and afternoon nausea. When I fall asleep at night I'm out to the world until the morning. Even an hour or so after waking I feel as if I could go take a nap. Usually, late afternoon, I hit a wall and feel like I could sleep standing up.

In addition to the fatigue, I have nausea that seems to set in around 2pm every day. Thursday was a particularly rough day. We went out for dinner to celebrate Wednesday night. I woke around 3am to the kidlet not being happy with dinner. The rest of the day Thursday I spent trying to curb the constant nausea. Morning sickness? Ha!

I've also discovered showering makes me nauseous, too. I think it's the combination of the warm, steamy shower and bending over to shave my legs. I now have to shower in the middle of the day when I'm feeling good. Thank goodness I work from home and have this flexibility!

I asked my mom and sister how their morning sickness was. They both complained of the constant nausea but both suffered theirs in the morning. Thankfully, it seems their morning sickness lasted only through the first trimester, except for my sister's last pregnancy.....that one she was sick the whole time! I'm hoping mine will be like all their other pregnancies.

I really don't have much to complain about. The nausea, while annoying, is comforting...it's a reminder I really am pregnant!