The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good:

We're okay. For Now.

Saturday and Sunday's NST tests revealed no contractions, a consistent heart rate for the Little Miss and I was well hydrated. While this is all good news I feel as though I'm constantly on edge just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is that twinge normal? Am I supposed to be having that pain? When was the last time I felt her move? Have I drank enough fluids today?

Sure I was completely sick with worry after the fall. I didn't care if I had a broken bone or how much pain I may or may not have been in, all I cared about was whether Baby Girl was okay. When she checked out okay in the ER, I felt a relief. I could breathe again. Now that I'm going through these NSTs and have found out that tightness I was feeling were indeed contractions, I'm back to nerves frayed and worried sick.

The Bad:

While I didn't have any contractions when attached to the monitors Saturday and Sunday, I felt more Sunday night and this morning. They're not at a rate that would be of concern yet...just one or two every few hours. They're not occurring all the time, just once in a while. If it were every hour I would be back at the hospital. But this concerns me because they're occurring despite my drinking a gallon plus of fluids a day.

The Ugly:

These thoughts that I can't prevent running through my head. I know my nerves are shot. I'm on the verge of tears thanks to the stress and pregnancy hormones. I KNOW I should think positively and try to keep myself calm at all costs but there are days, much like today, where I just can't and I give in to it all. The ugly reality is, IF I were to go into pre-term labor right now and it couldn't be stopped, my daughter, the one I've been growing and nurturing for 6 months now, wouldn't survive. Sure there are some amazing advances in medicine but the truth of the matter is, it's way too early for her to come into this world and she wouldn't survive beyond a few hours. That's a reality I just can't face but yet I can't ignore the possibility either.

So please, PLEASE, keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming our way. I think I need them more for my sanity than anything.