This time of year is always difficult for me. On December 18, 2003 I lost my Dad to cancer. Oddly enough, no one knew he had cancer until he was hospitalized where doctors discovered he had colon cancer. But it didn't originate there. It started in his lungs and we never knew. Today, however, I find myself missing him more than ever.
My Dad was older, in fact he was 82 when he passed. He served in WWII and many years later met my Mom. I was an "Oops!" baby. My parents thought they were done with 3 kids. So at ages 40 (Mom) and 55 (Dad) they had a new baby to care for. At the age 55 many men are becoming grandparents. My Dad and I had a special bond though. By the time I started Kindergarten my dad had retired and my Mom was returning to school to get her special ed. certification. It was always my dad I stayed home with when sick. It was my dad who took me to school and picked me up at the end of the day. People always thought he was my grandfather - it was always a joke when I was younger. Somewhere in the back of my mind I always new there was a strong possibility my Dad might pass away before I was ready to be without him. While I was an adult when he passed, 26 years together wasn't long enough. I miss his hugs, his jokes, our drives together, our lunches at the local cafe' ...I miss HIM.
As I watch our daughter grow daily my heart aches because she will never know her Grandpa. A man who fiercely loved his grand-kids and always wanted more than the 4 he knew at the time of his death. The Little Miss would have LOVED her Grandpa. She'll know stories of him and can visit his gravesite when we travel to Missouri, but she'll never KNOW him and that hurts and makes me incredibly sad.
My Dad was older, in fact he was 82 when he passed. He served in WWII and many years later met my Mom. I was an "Oops!" baby. My parents thought they were done with 3 kids. So at ages 40 (Mom) and 55 (Dad) they had a new baby to care for. At the age 55 many men are becoming grandparents. My Dad and I had a special bond though. By the time I started Kindergarten my dad had retired and my Mom was returning to school to get her special ed. certification. It was always my dad I stayed home with when sick. It was my dad who took me to school and picked me up at the end of the day. People always thought he was my grandfather - it was always a joke when I was younger. Somewhere in the back of my mind I always new there was a strong possibility my Dad might pass away before I was ready to be without him. While I was an adult when he passed, 26 years together wasn't long enough. I miss his hugs, his jokes, our drives together, our lunches at the local cafe' ...I miss HIM.
As I watch our daughter grow daily my heart aches because she will never know her Grandpa. A man who fiercely loved his grand-kids and always wanted more than the 4 he knew at the time of his death. The Little Miss would have LOVED her Grandpa. She'll know stories of him and can visit his gravesite when we travel to Missouri, but she'll never KNOW him and that hurts and makes me incredibly sad.
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4 comments:
hugs.... :(
Oh Jen....although under some different circumstances, I certainly understand the sadness that your baby won't ever get to know the wonderful person you called 'Dad'. Lucky for her, he's living strong and vividly in your heart and your memories, and in who you are as a person. Sending lots of hugs your way!
Jen my heart goes out to you. Sophie will know her grandpa through your wonderful stories and your kindness always.
In a bizarre way, our story is similar. Keep your head up and stay strong.
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