The struggles I had getting pregnant with the Little Miss leave me wondering if I'm truly ready to potentially experience all those emotions again. I, personally, have a lot to prepare for physically. I not only need to get my body prepared for carrying a child by taking vitamins but I need to return to my strict diet of no-refined carbs, no sugars and limit my red meat consumption. I TRIED to stick to this diet (I need to anyway to avoid becoming a diabetic later in life) but do you know how difficult it is to avoid all those things!? My lunches are often chock-full of all the things I SHOULDN'T be eating because it's CONVENIENT. And all those lovely, wonderful sweet things I'm not supposed to have? Yep, those taste so good. I have no will power to resist them. I guess where I struggle the most is lack of time. Avoiding all these refined carbs and sugars meant I had to bake or make pretty much everything I consumed. And currently I don't HAVE the time. When The Little Miss naps, I work. The days I choose not to work I'm either frantically cleaning the house or doing some other high-priority task. Oh and exercise? Yeah, can't find the time for that like I really need to. And this bothers me. I KNOW to successfully get pregnant and carry a child to term with little to no complications, I HAVE to do these things. I have no choice.
My OB reminded me that it's possible we won't have issues. That our problems were solved by successfully carrying a child to term. I know deep down though that I can't go into a pregnancy the way I am now. I am WAY too heavy. My diet would likely lead to Gestational Diabetes or other complications. All of this is upsetting because I feel stuck. I don't know WHERE in my day I'm going to find the time to make the lifestyle changes that need to be made again.
Then there's the sleep factor. I LIKE my sleep. I wonder, constantly, how I made it through the newborn days of little sleep and that was without a toddler also demanding attention. Y is such a good Dad and husband. He often allows me a few days a week to have some extra sleep. It may be only an hour but it's MY time. Add a newborn to the mix and I know those days will go bye-bye. There's time to make up all those lost hours of sleep when they're in college, right!?
We know there's never a perfect time to have kids or expand the family. We can only pray to be blessed a second time. I feel like I'm making excuses to put off something we want or perhaps, the true reality, I'm making excuses for MYSELF. I need a kick in the butt to get myself in gear and be motivated to make the changes I need to make. I need to have faith and think positively that, perhaps this time around, I won't have to experience the pain and heartache that came with month after month of failure. Month after month of being reminded I'M the reason we're not pregnant. Month after month of infertility rearing it's ugly head. If I'm honest with myself it's those factors that scare me - am I strong enough to endure those again IF they were to happen again?? Currently, I'm not sure I am.
Then I look at these:
and think "Why should we put this off?!"
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