54 Million....

No, we didn't win the lottery. Although that would be a nice occurrence!

54 Million was the number of sperm that were cleaned and prepped for the IUI today. We had a really early start to the day. We dropped off Y's sample around 8:40 (after a 50-minute drive to the office) then went for breakfast while we waited for our insemination time.

I was all prepped in a new room. Y and I were joking that the room had mood lighting with just a small tabletop lamp lit. We think maybe they need to start piping in some Barry White to help set the mood.

Anyway, Dr. H brought the specimen vial in all labeled. He explained what was going to happen. The sperm were going to be loaded into a syringe. A catheter would be attached to the syringe and placed through my cervix until it reached just the edge of my uterus. He said 27 million will go to one side, 27 million to the other...all going willy nilly. He even warned us that some may leak out when the catheter is removed but it's usually very minimal. Before we got started Dr. H asked us if we wanted to save the vial. We laughed and said no thanks. He then shared a brief story of a patient who kept the vial, syringes from the HCg shots, and other memorabilia and put them all in a shadow box. That was a good laugh to help me relax even more.

The sperm was injected. The catheter going in really wasn't that uncomfortable nor was the insemination. We did lose a bit when the catheter was removed but Dr. H guesstimates 40-some million made it into the uterus. Much more than we needed. A minimum of 5 million sperm were needed for insemination....Y's apparently an overachiever!

While lying still for the 10 minute post-insemination wait, we talked with Dr. H and asked all the important questions...most importantly..."How soon can I test?"!

I can start testing in 10 days (for those of you counting that's March 24th). I am to take any negative results with a grain of salt until AF arrives. If I don't get a positive nor a period by the 28th, I'm to call the office so they can order blood work. If I DO get a positive or blood work reveals one, I'll have blood drawn every two days to check that my Beta levels and progesterone are increasing at the correct rate. A good pregnancy, the hormone levels will double (or more) within two days and continue to do so. A possible miscarriage will plateau or not increase so they'll be able to prepare us for a loss if one should occur.

So now the wait and countdown begins. I feel really positive right now and hope I can continue feeling this way!

Super sperm and uterus tanks!

I had asked my friends, on a message board I frequent, to come up with ideas of what I should wear to our insemination date Friday morning. I think their ideas were great. Here's Y's outift....


Here's mine:



Yes, that's an image of a uterus.

I think they're both quite fitting, no? Many thanks to Meredith and Lida for the laughs these images created!

Appointment update

To all my blog readers (all two of you :P) I apologize for not updating sooner.

I've been all over the map, emotionally, the past few days. I've really struggled this cycle with sadness and anger. It all came to a boil Monday night and I had myself a complete meltdown. I told Y, midst my sobs, that I just couldn't take anymore and my breaking point had been reached.

Fast forward to Tuesday. I've been really worried the Letrozole wasn't working. I use the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor to help me know when I'm ovulating. It gives readings of low, high or peak. I'd been having several days of low readings when I should have at least had a high by now. Tuesday morning I get a high and begin to feel some hope.

We head to the appointment and Dr. H, bless his soul, walks in to the room and immediately compliments "You're looking thinner!" I smile and say thanks. He asked a few questions, one of which was "Are you still losing weight?". I told him I had lost a few more pounds but nothing too major. He just smiled and said "It brings tears to my eyes to have someone finally follow my instructions and see the benefits." He asked how I did on the Letrozole to which my reply was "It was a lot better than Clomid. I just hope it works!"

I get all settled into the stirrups and in goes the dildo cam. He checked my uterine lining first. I noticed on the monitor that it didn't look like it usually did but he said it was good and thick and had the three layers it should have. On to the left ovary....lefty was usually the one to produce the dominant follicles. I watching the monitor and I'm not see much of a follicle. He finally gets a good view on one but it's rather small. Dr. H's voice sounded somewhat disappointed. I was so close to tears.

He then moved over to right ovary and things were looking up! He gets a perfect view and excitedly comments "Now THAT'S a dominant follicle!" I didn't hear the exact measurements but that one was 20-some mm in diameter. That's really huge for me! I was thrilled, he was thrilled and I'm just excited to be considered on the verge of "normal"!!

After much discussion and my admitting to Dr. H that I was rather emotionally fragile we're going ahead with an IUI this cycle. Dr. H's comment to me was "This all get rather old, huh?". He understands where I'm at and agreed we needed to maximize our chances. Insemination in no way guarantees us a pregnancy but it does increase our odds. We do have a small, 5% chance of twins. Dr. H said he had seen that smaller follicle grow and end up releasing come insemination time.

I have a trigger shot of the HCg hormone to inject late tonight. Friday morning we'll drop off the semen sample for the team to clean and select the best of the best. We'll return an hour later, at 9:45, for the actual insemination.

I can't even begin to express how much relief I feel right now. I know this may not work but to have the conception not be 100% on our shoulders is a huge relief to me. I know this whole process has been stressful but I had no idea the amount of stress I was carrying until I felt this sense of relief.

Please keep us and the medical team in your thoughts on Friday. I'll be sure to update after the insemination!!

What I know

Tuesday brings another appointment with Dr. H.

I've been wondering all weekend what I really want the outcome to be. I have no idea if the Letrozole is working. It's definitely not been as bad as Clomid. While I've lost my appetite, I haven't had a whole lot of nausea or pukeyness. One of the side effects of Clomid, that I hadn't really thought about before, is drying up of the cervical mucus. This can also prevent some women from becoming pregnant since the cervical mucus is needed to aid the sperm in traveling through the cervix to the uterus. I've recently discovered that's not a problem on Letrozole.

While I would love to be able to conceive on our own (with a little medicinal help), I can't help but wonder if I can really take much more. I've been very emotional this time around. Sad. Angry. Tears shed almost daily. Is this my way of letting myself know I'm at my breaking point? Is it a side effect of the drugs? I don't know.

I do know, that the more I think about things the more I know I want to be pregnant. I guess that means come Tuesday I want to be perfectly stimulated so we can move ahead and do an IUI this cycle.

So, those of you with divine powers...do your thing, please. You don't have divine powers? Fair enough...just send your positive thoughts, prayers, whatever. My ovaries need all the help they can get and me, well, I just need help in the way of love, support, and understanding.

Our latest plan

Maybe month 19 will be the lucky one???

I called Dr. H's office today to let them know a new cycle started and to see what our next plan of action would be. We're trying a new drug combination this month. I'll be taking Letrozole (Femara) on cycle days 3-7 in addition to the Metformin I take daily. We're hoping I won't have the crazy side effects I had last cycle on Clomid.

I go in March 11th for another date with the dildo cam and Dr. H. Pending the results of the ultrasound we'll either do another cycle with just a trigger shot and trying on our own or we'll go ahead with an IUI.

Overstimulated....

And no, I don't mean the economy.

My ovaries are overstimulated. Things looked good, but they were a bit too good. The insemination is a no-go. I have 4 pretty dominant follicles ready to release eggs. The largest was 16x13mm, then 15x14, 14x11, and a 13x13. We are, however, triggering with an HCg shot on Sunday just to be sure the egg(s) release so we can time things well on our own.

I have a 10% chance for triplets and a ::huge gulp:: 15-20% chance for twins. Normal rates with using Clomid are 2% for triplets and 7% for twins. Let's just say I am beyond terrified. I cannot even imagine triplets!

In other news....I'm down 15lbs from my last appointment where he weighed me in Dec. Woohoo! AND...I never, ever have to take Clomid again. I told him about my nausea and other horrid Clomid side effects and he said no more. We'll do Letrozole if needed in the future.

Infertility wins again

We're not pregnant. Again.

I'm getting to the point I can't take much more. Y and I discussed things and while we're scared we're running out of options we're going to try for an IUI this time.

I called Dr. H's office to let them know of our decision. One of his receptionists, Joan, called back with our orders for the cycle. According to Dr. H's notes from our January 7th appointment, I was only marginally ovulating on Metformin alone. I need more help so back to Clomid since we know I do ovulate on it.

I'll go in for another ultrasound to see how my follicles look and if we can move forward with the IUI.